Letters To You

It hurts. So badly. To hear you say that you need more time away. I know that I’ve fucked up…but you have too. There has never been anyone in this world that I have loved and care for like I have for you. I have been beaten down by you. I have watched my heart be ripped from my chest because of you. You stomped on it and acted like you could care less. I have changed my world for you and at the end of the day, the sacrifice wasn’t mutual.

I was ready to give it all up and be with you. To have a life with you. You mean the world to me. And there is no other that could replace you. Whether you decide to come back to me or not, you will always be carried within me. You have impacted my life so much that there is never a day that goes by that I can ever forget you.

It just hurts. My heart. My soul. It all aches with an ache that I have never felt before. An ache that nothing can fix. I love you. And that’s all that should matter. I want to be with you, for the rest of my life. I wish you could see that. I wish you could see past my flaws like I have yours.

I want you to feel again. Like you have before. I want you to know love where when you feel it’s slipping away it hurts. I want you to fight for me because you want to. I want you to look at me again the way you use to.

Some days I’m insecure. Some days I need an I love you more than others. That’s just me. I’ve spent so much of my life being numb that loving you was one of the hardest things I learned to do. I wanted to so badly but guarded my heart because I just knew that you would eventually break it. And you did. Numerous times. But I can’t just blame you…I let you. Time and time again. I let you.

I have never felt so strongly for someone in my entire life like I have for you. There is no one in this world that makes me feel like I do. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel like the only girl in the world. Until recently.

I don’t want to let you go. I want to stay with you forever. I’m just not sure anymore where you want us to be. I will never falter. I will always be yours. If you will have me for that long.

I thought that I was going to come here and be able to write out how I feel. But I’m still broken. And it hurts. I love you is all that I know to say. I love you. More than I have loved anybody in my life. I wish you could see and realize that.

pieceofmymind:

twentynothings:

karalewis:

(via justtwohearts-lostatsea, weeeenhi)

Maybe I should copy and paste this to her. 

This year has flown by like the blink of an eye. The year as a whole has been hard. One of the hardest years I have had to face. The past couple months have been amazing. I hope it continues that way through the next year.

I went back not too long ago and read some of the things I have wrote. It has been nothing short of a roller coaster ride for me. This is something you will never see but I hope that someone out there can relate.

It’s hard to put emotions into words sometimes. The times that I wanted to scream at you at the top of my lungs. The days where I wasn’t sure if you were my forever or my right now. The times where you just couldn’t understand where I was coming from. It frustrated me. I’m not a fan of those times. I don’t expect bounds of joy all the time I just want a good neutral. A place where I feel safe, secure. A place where I know that for the rest of my life, you will be right here with me. Going through all of the ups and downs with me. I’m getting there. It will take time but I’m working towards that.

Sometimes I wonder if you are as serious as I am.

I love you. I have loved you for a very long time. I hope that you never falter from that. I hope that you always know where my heart is. It will always be with you.

To a fantastic 2011. I love you bay.

The past 415 days since I started this whole random letter writing has had so many up and downs. Insecurities. Happiness. Sadness. Bouts of aching where it actually hurt…physically.

The past few weeks have been the most amazing. Steadily amazing. Everything has been up. You make me so ridiculously happy that sometimes it doesn’t feel real. I’m waiting and bracing myself for the worst to come. I’m waiting for something to screw it all up. Even though I don’t want it to.

There is going to be someone in my life that I am going to crush to pieces and I’m still trying to figure out the easiest way to do it without making things worse. It’s going to be hard. Really hard.

But you are worth it to me. And I can’t wait until I get to spend my forever with you.

(via burning-soul)

Anyone that reads this will probably think that I am a crazy ass bipolar that doesn’t know wtf she wants. One minute I love you, one minute I hate you. And then there is that gray area, that little area in between that keeps me here. Twisted up in this insanity of a relationship or in our case, relationshit. Nowhere in my mind should I ever think that what we have is remotely close to normal. This is fucked up. We are fucked up. I am totally fucked up. And he was right, at some point I have to take a stand. That day is today.

I love you. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. Always. Forever. It won’t stop. I’ve tried. Your mine. Whether you want to believe it now or not. You are the one that I want. Stay with me and I’ll forever be yours.

Toni Morrison (via captainzoe)

(Source: brightlywound, via burning-soul)