Letters To You

I posted a few days ago something that said, “You are my sweetest downfall.” At the time I didn’t put much thought into it. I liked the saying. Days later it made more sense.

You are my sweetest downfall. Our relationship is far from normal. It will forever be far from normal in anyone’s eyes. The way we met. How we fell insanely in love with each other. All the while, living a totally separate life from one another. It’s almost too much for me to comprehend let alone anyone else.

The fact is, I love you. As crazy as it sounds. As much hurt and pain that I have experienced being involved with you. I still…love you. With every piece of my heart. With every ounce of emotion that has spilled from my soul, you are the forever in my heart. The one person that I can’t let go of. I’ve tried. I’ve tried rather hard. To let you go. So that I was free from dealing with everything that you have brought into my life. The craziness. The heartache. The lies. The tears. At the end of every day though, I can’t just let you walk away. I can’t just let myself walk away.

I can’t figure out what keeps me wanting to be so close to you. I can’t figure out what part of me is holding on. Knowing everything. Knowing all of this. Continually going through the motions as if this is good for me. Okay with me. When in all reality it is probably one of the things in my life that I should let go. But I can’t.

I won’t.